something stupid

every freaking day comes as it goes
nothing really special as i go with the flow
i wake up in the morning feeling so pleased with my dreams
or i find myself mumbling, dumb and displeased

each day i walk through a massive hall
a hall that constantly rolls just like a ball
i see no one special, no one to perceive
no one who can make me happy like the way you make me feel

i wish you could see all the good things in life
i wish you would never feel any loneliness inside
but i wish you could find a girl whos someone like me
a girl who could always see you, all the way through

sometimes i wish that everything would change
to live a life anew, or to be undeniably ashamed
for years i have dreamed of great things that i wish i could have
but never have they surpassed the dreams that i have for you

people always tell me to fall back and play
but never have i rushed into those silly things in any way
i think it would be better to slow down, be still
to wait for the right moment which we both can fulfill

sometimes i want to rule the world
sometimes i want to be caged
sometimes i want to say something stupid
something stupid like i love you
if ever i will tell you those three words in my head
would you talk to me and see me,the same freaking way ever again?

i know you live your life each time as it goes
never caring much about anything, or anyone as youd suppose
you see everything blankly, no interest nor appeal
why have you become that person which was least to be revealed?

i always get frustrated with the way you talk
the way you smile, and the way you walk
i easily get irritated with the game that you play
for at the end of the day, i always lose the entire game

suddenly id realize something, so id stop and stare
these never mattered to me even though you were never there
your flaws, your treatment, your physique and personality
all of these completes everything, youre perfect for my dreams

i know i sound cheezy, i know everything sounds dull
but at this very moment, i know these are all what i want
i want you to be happy, i want you to be good
to be good to your parents, to your sister, to your brother, and to yourself too

i know i may not be meant for you, i know that for sure
and none of your intentions have been sound and pure
i know you never liked me, and never thought id like you too
but i hope a little appreciation will be pushed through

now, you think thats the dream that you want to live
but then again, will you ever feel relieved?
you think your life will never mess up?
well, think again because you actually messed everything up.

REALITY IS NOT TRUTH

MY CONCLUSION: “ONESELF” = “VEIL OF MAYA(delusion)”

"Maya is the limited, purely physical and mental reality in which our everyday consciousness has become entangled."

The reality we experience from what is "happening" is never directly known without coming to a conclusion which is created in our minds because we process the things we perceive in our mind. hence, its all in the mind. And that is why reality cannot be true.. Or reality is not truth. Truth conforms reality, it is not relative. people have different perceptions depending on the depth of the circumstance or matter. If truth was relative, then "ignorance is bliss", and "what they don’t know won’t hurt them." -but we know otherwise. This idea, that reality is relative, betrays a confusion of reality versus our perception of reality. Our perceptions may differ, because we see incorrectly, or else we correctly see different partial views, but there is only one reality to be sensed and acted upon. How are we supposed to know that a tree is a tree? Is it really a tree? It is not, it is just a perception. There is something about the object that we do not know, just like reality. Another, reality is not democratic because you cannot undo or change circumstances in the past.

Reality is self-existent and independent of all observers. We generate reality in our brains. We cannot directly experience the physical world for all that we can take grasp of is the awareness that we have perceived in daily happenings or experiences. The world is within us. We create our world, the world that we experience. Like what my mom said, “Life is how you make it”, but this odes not agree that reality is real. This can be referred to relative reality, and its absolute reality is what we cannot attain. It is our manifestation within our minds, but in many other instances we readily accept that we create our experiences. Thus, we create our experience of reality. We perceive the world exactly what it is as we see them, forgetting the fact that all of those are created by our minds, simply called as illusions contrary to its basis. Our mind is constituted to the sensory data that we receive.

Virtual reality:

“In all these instances of illusory or artificial realities we readily accept that the confusing or abnormal perception stems from the way the brain creates our experience of reality. Yet when it comes to our normal waking experience, the base state in which these so-called "illusions" occur, we adopt the opposite position. We feel that we are experiencing the world as it is, "out there" in front of us. But how could the illusory perception be an image in our mind, yet the world in which the illusion occurs be the physical world around us?”

Question to ponder: How does conscious experience arise or emerge from matter?

Regarding the presence of consciousness, where it comes from… We contain our consciousness. It is the container of our world. On the other hand, it is present as we construct the image of our “reality”. Hence, we are the ce

what a day!!!

i had my 2nd philcon quiz awhile ago, and i actually STUDIED for it but look what happened... i honestly forgot about the 3 requisites of the Philippine constitution according to form. this made me extremely pissed, and i couldnt do anything about it because whats done is done haha. :| anyway after my philcon class, i had my history 50 class. its all about the life and works of Rizal. much to my expectations, i did have a GREAT TIME! good thing our instructor, ria lumapas, was very bubbly and made the subject interesting. the time seemed to fly so fast that i was not able to watch it because i attentively listened to her lecture. perhaps i do really look up to her, so high that it makes me be very interested in the subject. the woman's great, as of what ive heard through her friends and colleagues. she gets to manage everything with utmost composure. i wish i was just like her. for all i know, probably i can if i just follow her ways. haha. but really, shes such a great person. (even though ive only met her the other day haha)

at last! i memorized the preamble and good thing i wouldnt be cramming to memorize it tom. we will be having a graded recitation on monday, and i hope id ace it haha. on the other hand, i have to read 5 chapters of Rizal's life.. i read the first chapter last night and it actually entices me to read more.. ill continue reading tom though, my eyes are so tired. haha.

ill end my blog here.. just felt right, to write another entry since my facebook account has been deleted. gah.

HOW CAN I MANAGE?

Alas!

its been months since ive last written.. and i think ive been extremely busy with stuff that i should really be responsible of. summer classes have started and good thing i was able to enroll yesterday! weee! yet, there are more problems that i MUST resolve.

being an 18 year old means a lot to me.. yet, i couldnt go out as much as i want to for i have to take full responsibilities in such matters that prevents me from being an 18 year old. if i were the old sam, id ask God why He gives me such a hard time but then again, im all new.. i now know why all of these things happen, well i think i do HAHA.

my mom just left for the states to get a better opportunity in finding a job.. my parents arent in good terms actually and thats one of the reasons why she had to leave, to fix herself up and be back to how she was. so now, i have to take good care of my sister.. with no parents, she needs my full attention and care so that i could provide her at least a good childhood worth remembering. i also have to take full responsibility of things going on in the farm, selling goats, chickens, and fruits to earn money and save them. all of these dont really have a big impact on me except for one thing thats happening now that i hate most.. somethings that just happened this week which made me realize a LOT! and i guess i couldnt mention them here for some people might be able to read it and would think of it differently but WTH, i am i guess. haha. its not that i would like to tell the world about my problems its just that it makes me feel more at ease to do so.. the web is free for everyone right? and who cares if they judge me? only God has the right to do so.. and it does not make me less of a person if people talk about me in a bad way for i know whats true and i know what is good. anyway, part of "the" problem is connected to what ive just said.. and sadly, your own family can put you down to this road. tsktsk. how can i manage all of these as an 18 year old? oh yea which reminds me my birthday's next month already so.. im basically in a sphere of a 19 year old hahaha!

a thought to ponder: "theres no one to rely on but yourself, and God."

EVOL

To everyone, love is a feeling

That attracts, affects, and gathers

But then it is a state of mind

It reminds me that nothing else matters.

To everyone, love is a fairy tale

That lives happily ever after.

But then it is a significant moment

It outlives, which lasts forever.

To everyone, love is ineffable

That seeks, but comes then feels

But to me it is quite logical

It depends on how you deal.

To everyone, you may be just one person

Inconsequential and small

But to me you are my world,

My kind, my complement, my all!

HAVE YOU EVER?

Have you ever thought of how it felt?

When we met along the corridors

Then later you knew what I have kept

And never came up, not anymore.

Have you ever thought of how it felt?

When you first smiled as you spoke to me

Sleepless and flightless, nothing could help

Hiding everything was not easy.

Have you ever thought of how it felt?

How terrified I was to tell you

That night as we sat on the benches

You thought I was just being silly.

Have you ever thought of how it felt?

How overwhelmed I am to have met you

Bizarrely, you have changed everything

What I am now is because of you.

JANUARY 4, 2009 @ 2:15 AM

Sweet nuisance came across..
Amidst the prolonged darkness.
Seemingly protruding light
Flickering, wide and lowly.

Startled lips breaking twilight
Seeming groggily intense!
A dark sightful indulgence..
The day ends as it begins.

Sanity avidly teased
Thus, irreconcilable.
Abyss.. obscurely denied.
A blissful imperfection!

Flowing through rippled water…
Passing by the ragged south
Climbing, guts encrouched up north
Contrasting, sweet nuisance.